Forgiveness

One of the great difficult areas in life is that of forgiveness. I have worked with many people who struggle with this. I have struggled with it more in the past myself. But, I have learned some things about this that have helped me to better understand it and give it to myself and others. What is essential with this issue is the power of awareness. Sometimes in my imaginings, I have wondered if forgiveness is possible for those who have done some of the most heinous, cruel, things imaginable. What I have learned is that human behavior is very complex and is influenced by many things known and unknown. I do not believe that people are born evil, I believe that they develop that way through a complex series of events of cause and effect. A person may have a genetic predisposition which makes it possible for them to become a serial killer or rapist, but that does not mean that they will automatically become that. We often like to debate etiology or cause related to nature vs. nurture, But I believe that any understanding of such a complex issue must include both nature and nurture. Biology is not destiny. The more we understand the factors that have been involved in the development of a particular pattern or manifestation of behavior, the more it becomes clear why that pattern arose. Which leads us back to the issue of awareness. The more we become aware of the factors that have been critical in the development of a behavior or human event, the more we see that it was going to be exactly as it manifested.

This is very important in understanding how forgiveness is possible. Forgiveness is never a validation of the adverse nature of a destructive behavior as being right or justified, it is instead a compassionate acceptance of the fact that it was never going to be any different than it was. The anguish of not forgiving is rooted in the obsession of thinking that it (the event or behavior) should have been different than it was. How could they have done it? Why did I do it? Why was I so stupid or weak or selfish etc.? It should have never happened. I wish it would have never happened. These are the thoughts we torture ourselves with in self-condemnation or in persistent resentment towards others. How can we release ourselves from these burdens of thought and feeling? It is forgiveness and this is possible with adequate awareness, with looking at the issue with compassion and empathy for the human condition, human nature. To accomplish this, we need something of a "God's Eye View," we need to be able to see the issue through the eyes of Love, then true forgiveness is possible. It is true that each one of us is responsible for our actions. But we can find forgiveness when we can see the humanity in every human act. The more we know about how a person came to be the way they are, the more we know of all the forces and influences acting upon a person at a particular point of time, the more we realize that they or we had a 100% chance of doing just exactly what was done. Doesn't mean that it was good or right, it just means that it was going to be exactly the way it was. No chance it was going to be any other way...none. We must remember that we are imperfect beings, and even the best of us are capable, under certain conditions of doing almost anything, no matter what our high minded ideals or intentions. If we can forgive, we can have acceptance and with that freedom from the great burden and suffering of our lack of forgiveness. Then, we can move on with our lives. "To err is human, to forgive divine..."