Relationship Needs

In the aftermath of a difficult relationship ending many years ago, I did some thinking about what my personal human needs were. I wrote these down and they helped me to see why I needed a different kind of relationship than the dramatic, crazy, heart-breaking relationships I had been in up to that time. Here is what I came up with:

1. I need to be appreciated for the unique person I am, in spite of my shortcomings and faults.

2. I need to receive real love from others, I need to be listened to, touched, held, and valued.

3. I need others to be honest with me, so I can more clearly see myself, so I can appreciate the true and good things about me and so I can look at the things I need to change to be a better partner and human being.

4. I need to be respected as a worthwhile individual, I need my boundaries to be respected, and I need to know I can have my own personal feelings, beliefs, and views without being put down or belittled for them.

5. I need to be accepted for who I am in spite of all my human shortcomings.

(Any attitude or behavior that I have or express that is harmful or causes suffering to others is not acceptable)

6. I need to have respect for my ability to make my own decisions, to be allowed room to be human and fall on my own face if that should happen, to be able to create my own life as I choose without being judged harshly for it.

7. I need others to be open with me, to show their true feelings so I can learn to respect their truth and become closer to them, and so I can feel safer to share my true feelings with them.

8. I need to know that my company is valued, that others want to be around me, that others enjoy having me around.

9. I need others to reflect my true worth back to me, I do not need others to provide my worth as that is a sacred awareness I must give to myself.

10. I need to be nurtured, given patience, and provided support when I am going through painful or difficult times, or when I have made a serious mistake.

11. I need to know that I am OK, in spite of the mistakes I have made.

12. I need to be allowed to be myself and not be pressured to change in order to be acceptable to someone else, for I am here to be who I am.

13. I need to be willing to change any attitude or behavior that does not allow me to truly love myself and others.